Just Shy of Paradise

Just Shy of Paradise
BUY HERE
Showing posts with label LDS. Show all posts
Showing posts with label LDS. Show all posts

Sunday, October 20, 2013

If I'm Somebody, it's Because of Somebody


Once a month my family gets together for potluck Sunday dinner at Mom’s. We’ve been doing this for over a year now. The first Sunday in October toward the end of our afternoon,  Mom whipped this poem out of her pocket and said she’d written it the other night.

I used to be somebody
With lots of get up and go
But that get up and go
Already got up and went
Now I’m a nobody with years near spent,
So I go to Curves three times a week.
So that when the time comes—
(And the Lord’s so inclined)
At least I’ll go with my behind refined.

The ditty is funny and yet says a lot. It must be hard to see the years pass, the memory fade, the energy gone, and begin to feel as if at anytime the lights will go out. It must be hard to feel like the somebody you once were is gone.

My mother is somebody. One of my first memories is sitting on my mom’s lap at church. She would puff out her cheeks and I would pop them with my little hands.  I’m the end of the line—the last of five and the only girl. Mom said the whole neighborhood rejoiced with her when I was born.


My mother is somebody. She sewed my clothes, Halloween costumes, dolls, and more. My brothers always said I was spoiled, and if I was, I think it was because my mother knew it was hard for me--the only girl. My brothers weren’t always nice, in fact, were hardly ever nice to their little sister, so Mom made up for it.

My mother is somebody. She never told me to stop being afraid when the monsters under the bed sent me scrambling out of bed and into my mom and dad’s bed in the next room. Out of all the moms in the neighborhood, our house was the place to be. We could play loudly. We could make messes as long as we cleaned up. We could sleep outside in the summers or make tents out of tables and chairs. We could toss all the cushions on the floor and play the ground is poison. We could climb trees and jump on the beds. We were allowed to be children and not grow up too fast. 

My mother is somebody. Neighbors came and cast their votes in the patriotic striped booths set up temporarily in our living room. At other times that same room would have a quilt stretched the length and width of it while women gathered around, stitched and talked while I played beneath. Those quilts were made for newlyweds in the ward. At harvest time, the sticky syrupy smell of grape jelly and canned peaches filled the kitchen. Numerous cakes, breads, and whole meals were prepared in for new mothers in our church community and for the sick, or sad.

My mother is somebody. Once she visited an immigrant family and found them in bed in the middle of a cold winter day to keep warm because their heat had been shut off. It didn’t take long for her to fix that situation. My mother is somebody because she and our father managed to raise five children and give each of a sense of worth, values, and work ethic. But somehow Mom did it with ultimate patience and without ever (at least me) spanking. I was never grounded either, and didn’t even know what that was until some of my playmates got grounded. I never felt judged or berated or criticized.

My mother is somebody. She worked for years at the Orem Geneva Times. She wrote nearly every article they had in the days when everything had to be typed on a typewriter and then handset in the printing press. Sometimes when I was in the fifth grade and attending Spencer Elementary, I could walk home from school and see her behind the desk. She let me search through the coins in her desk drawer to add coins to my coin collection, replacing the coins with money from her purse. She served on boards, PTA, and councils, and in numerous callings in church, reliable to the core. 

My mother is somebody. She quit the job she loved when Dad was diagnosed with cancer. And on the bad days when that cancer ravaged dad’s body, she took care of him. And on his good days, months and years, she was his best and closest companion. And in the end she took care of him until his eyes shut and never opened again. She was only fifty.

My mother is somebody. She left behind her grown children and first grandchildren to serve a mission for the Lord. She gained her own strength and learned that she too could learn and understand, and boldly teach the gospel she loved.
Mom right after her mission. We met her in California where she met her grandson Trevor. 


My mother is somebody. After her mission, and on her own, she moved to a new home. Her door has always been a revolving one. One by one, she let those who needed a place to land, for however long, land with her. Her own aging mother spent a decade and again Mom took care of someone--this time her mother, who lived a long a lovely life and died in my mother's home at age 96. Mom's own grown children because of divorce or hardship sometimes needed a place too, and their children. Then those grandkids grew, and when life got hard or when grandkids were headed for school, or between jobs or dreams—again Mom’s and now Grandma’s place is the place to be.
Grandma--Mom's mom (Somebody too)


My mother is somebody. With so many somebodys she's helped along the way. I could go on and on about all she is. In October, I watched my two-year-old grandson cuddle next to his great-grandmother while she read him a story. To that little one, she is still somebody and always will be. If you are a somebody, or were a somebody, you can’t be a nobody, because no one ever is.  I’m definitely a somebody because of my mother who is also a somebody and her mother was a somebody, too. 

Mom holding the son of her grandson (our son). 

And here she is with all five of us. 

Thanks Mom!

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Did You Hear It?

Yesterday, Saturday April 7th, a couple of minutes before noon something happened that has never happened before--NEVER! Did it matter? Did you hear it? I was in my studio doing pottery and I made a point to have the LDS General Conference on. I'd heard that there was a strong possibility that a woman would be giving a prayer. Then just as I squeezed the water from my sponge after cleaning clay off my tables, I heard the announcement--a woman's name. Then Jean Stevens' voice, calm and beautiful. I didn't hear what she said. I took a breath and let the emotion wash over me. You know that feeling that comes when your heart swells and you are filled with something we Mormons call the spirit? That's what I felt.


1,500 or 15,000, or perhaps even 150,000 or more prayers answered. I wish my mother-in-law was still alive. I can hear her now. "Tokenism." A decade of more ago, my mother-in-law was asked to pray in stake conference. She called it tokenism then, but she gladly offered the prayer, even though she was always less than fully-engaged in the gospel. Today she would have said, "Tokenism," and she would have chuckled, but then she would have added, "It's about time."

Television offers us a glimpse of social consciousness. Despite the trashy programs, there are great things that have happened. I've watched the changes. We all have. I was a TV junkie growing up: Andy of Mayberry, Petticoat Junction, Gilligan's Island and on and on, a sea of white faces and stereotyped roles for men and women. Then we a saw a sprinkling of black characters, but usually in the background or sometimes as a servent, or a jolly maid. When "All in the Family" came along and we saw the ugliness and even ridiculousness of racism and sexism through the bigotry of Archie Bunker. The show broke down the barriers and finally we saw more and more minorities portrayed on television. Mary Tyler Moore became one of the first females who was career orientated. She won the respect of her TV colleagues. Did it matter? Did the tokenism of the first minorities with strong roles on TV matter? Did young females watching Mary Tyler Moore feel their world opening up by seeing her take on the world? I remember a disturbing moment at my mother's house years ago. I was still a teen, not quite twenty. A woman near my mother's age (a relative) was visiting. She made a comment about how she can hardly stand to "see so many of them' on TV. You can hardly watch anything anymore without seeing blacks. Do they have to be on every show? she'd said. I was shocked. I hadn't grown up hearing these types of sentiments in our home. I'm sure it bothered my mother as well, but she simply said, "I haven't noticed." We notice when someone gives us hope for a better tomorrow. It may sound cliche, but all of these moments, big and small, matter. They matter to someone. This conference mattered. It mattered to me.

This afternoon while watching conference with some family members at my mom's, another day, another session and another woman offered now the opening prayer in a session. I mentioned that the day before had been the first time a woman had offered a prayer. My brother said, really? My mother said, she wouldn't have noticed if the papers hadn't made such a big deal about it. The truth is, it's a big deal. It shouldn't be, but it is. Young Mormon girls and women need to see women offering prayers in conference, sitting in leadership positions, making decisions, being strong, being courageous and yes, speaking up when women are being neglected, sidelined, and ignored.

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Relying on the kindness of strangers

In a Streetcar Named Desire, Blanche DuBois said, "I have always relied on the kindness of strangers." I think all of us at times have relied on the kindness of strangers. Memories flood my mind as I type this out, mostly about people who stopped to help me when I was stranded, before cell phones when we could call a friend or family member. When my friend, Rosanna and I, traveled through Europe we definitely relied on the kindness of strangers many times. We had traveled with a tour group for a month and then we were on our own. We said goodbye to the group in London and felt terribly lonely as their bus drove away. One other new friend we made from the tour JeanAnn was with us. I was the oldest of the three at 20, but had never traveled east of Denver until this trip. I was scared most of the time, because I hated to talk to strangers--still do. Rosanna and JeanAnn were better at it. All three of us really wanted to see Scotland. I think I wanted to go there because  Thayne was a Scottish name. We road the buses along the country and were mesmerized by the rolling green, a green so intense I knew I'd never seen anything like it in nature. We loved the cows! They looked boxier than those we were accustomed to, Picasso cows we dubbed them. JeanAnn was an art history major and I was an art major, so it worked for us. Rosanna wasn't even out of high school yet.

By the time we got into Edinburgh it was a downpour. The rain that had made the hills so intensely green, was also unlike any rain we'd experienced in the dry Utah desert. We really had no idea where we were going to go. JeanAnn had a package with an address on it. She had promised to deliver the package for a friend to the mission home for a missionary. In the pouring rain we found the mission home, which ended up being where the LDS mission president lived with his wife. We knocked on the backdoor of the stately manor and a woman led us, bedraggled and forlorn, through what could only be described as the kind of kitchen you see in the English PBS mini-series, or in this case Scottish. We were led into a lovely living room. Eventually the mission president himself and his gracious wife greeted us. Yes they would see that the missionary got the package, but they wondered where we were staying and wanted to know every detail of our travels. They were parents of girls about our age and were very concerned.  When they found out that we didn't have a place yet, the mission president called a little bed and breakfast and had a missionary drive us over. Then he made sure we were picked up for dinner the next afternoon where we ate with the mission president, his very gracious wife, and two bewildered missionaries. I found out later that the missionaries were uncomfortable with this display of generosity toward young women their own age and that the previous mission president was quite unlike this jovial man. The president told us he would want someone looking out for his daughter if she were traveling in foreign countries. His name was Lamar Poulton. He not only fed us, made sure we had a place to stay, but even tried to give us money when my shoes melted against the heater in my room. I never forgot the kindness of the Poulton's.

Years later, my husband and I stopped to visit a friend in Tremonton. While we were there, the doorbell rang and nicely dressed man came to the door. They visited for a few minutes, and as the man was leaving the friend introduced the man as his insurance agent, Lamar Poulton. I hadn't recognized him, but the name sent shivers through my body as the memory of how much he'd helped me flooded my mind. I quickly asked if he'd been a mission president in Scotland and he said he had been. I relayed the incident to him that had meant so much to me and he only had a vague memory of the three weary travelers. I never saw him again and have no idea if he and his wife are alive thirty-five years later.

This is just one time when someone who had nothing to gain from me helped me. I hope that I have been that kind of person to some stranger in their journey.


Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Church in the Mountains in Montana

I have to admit that I have a love/hate relationship with my religion. I'm on a constant roller coaster of highs and lows, but through it all there's a been a thread binding me to my upbringing. The thread is tradition and love. In 1961 Grandpa Anderson built a cabin in Silver Gate, Montana. Silver Gate is one mile from the northeast entrance of Yellowstone. Every summer since that first year I've spent some time there. When I was really little, Sundays at the cabin were spent having a church meeting with family. I loved these meetings. They were basically testimony meetings where we'd share things that were most important to us--family, love, tradition, the truthfulness of the gospel, how much we loved the cabin, the mountains, nature... When I got my own family we've done this less often. Instead we've followed proper protocol and drove either to Yellowstone to have church at the Grand Canyon of the Yellowstone at an LDS branch, or later to Gardiner, Montana, but more often to the Cooke Pass LDS branch. Nothing has ever come close to as spiritual as the time I remember Grandpa and Grandma Anderson talking about how they held church in their home in Glendive, Montana because they were the only Mormons in town. Grandpa was the branch president and his family was the branch. At the Silver Gate cabin Grandpa Anderson and Dad passed the sacrament to us. Things were different back then and the Church didn't make a fuss about getting permission to do what my grandma and dad had been ordained to have authority to do. I know I've never come close to feeling the kind of love I felt at those early cabin meetings. My heart overflowed with the spirit. I wanted more than anything to feel that kind of peace and joy every day of my life. Grandpa died when I was ten. We'd said goodbye to him a week or two before at the cabin and drove back to Utah. He died in Yellowstone Park. He was fishing on the Lamar River, caught his limit, and died of a heart attack. My Uncle was with him and couldn't revive him.

It broke our hearts. But  the cabin stands as a reminder of his life, his goodness, his love, his sacrifice for his family and for his religion. He was the best of men.

A couple of weeks ago my family was at the cabin. We shared a few days with our son, his wife, and our three grandchildren. We chose to attend church at a small branch about ten miles from the cabin.  It wasn't as wonderful as those early meetings with Grandma and Grandpa--nothing could be--but it was heartwarming and the tug on my heart, the goodness, the thread that weaves through my life binding me to my upbringing and to my family and to my religion was there.

Top Ten Reasons why Church at an LDS Branch at Cooke Pass, Montana is Better

10: Chance to see wildlife on the way--especially Bison. I've never seen a bison on the way to church in Utah.
9.  I got to go with my grandkids.
8. No church responsibilities.
7.  No classrooms, so priesthood was outside in the pines.
6.  Men wore cowboy boots.
5. My daughter-in-law wore skinny jeans (not even allowed on BYU Idaho campus.) I wore pants. Mick wore jeans--so we were all comfortable. No one cared how we were dressed. I have always doubted that God cares either. 
4. Church was held in a cool cabin with family photos on the wall.
3. Testimony meeting was sweet. People spoke from their hearts and focused more of Jesus and the Atonement than I normally hear.
2. Best Sunday drive after church ever to the top of the Beartooths!
1. Instead of a mind-numbing three hours, church was two hours and they covered everything beautifully without any time for political commentaries from people in Gospel Doctrine class. 
The LDS church in Cooke Pass, Montana

Grandkids over 10,000 feet high in the Beartooths

The Summit of the Beartooths

We stopped to see a waterfall after church.

This is where we turned off for church

The Amphitheater Mountain is the mountain I've looked at from the cabin window for over 50 years.

Youngest grandchild